Counselling at Your Own Pace

Clients often apologise to me for saying too much, too fast - or for not having the words for what they’re struggling with. They worry they’re “doing counselling wrong”. These fears are understandable, and very common in counselling.

Good counselling is patient, collaborative, and responsive to you as an individual. Whether you tend to speak quickly or struggle to find words at all, I hope this post helps you feel more at ease with the process.

For me, going at your own pace means recognising that we are all different. Self-acceptance comes more quickly for some, and more slowly for others. The same is true of self-disclosure. I don’t rush to “fix” anything. I work to understand - to gain perspective alongside you. You won’t be pushed to go faster or deeper than you feel ready to. I offer a relationship in which you can, in your own time, explore difficult questions: Where do your thoughts and feelings come from? What do they mean for you? How do they shape who you are? Developing a shared understanding, and really feeling understood, can be powerful catalysts for change.

I’ll encourage you to share something of what’s brought you to counselling. But mostly I’ll listen carefully and pay attention to what’s happening for you. I might reflect what I’m seeing or sensing, but counselling is a process that continually changes and evolves over time. Some sessions you may find the words come easily; at other times, it may feel much harder to find them. That’s ok, and perfectly normal.

Sometimes what’s important emerges not through clear explanations, but through pauses, emotions, bodily feelings, humour, or simply a sense that something matters before words fully arrive. The pace of counselling can also change over time. Some sessions may feel emotionally intense; others quieter, slower, or more reflective.

If you worry about not having the words, please know that, as a counsellor, I’m accustomed to silence in all its forms. I know silence can feel uncomfortable or even frightening. In day-to-day conversation, it’s often something people rush to fill. Conversations can sometimes feel like ping pong, with the pressure to respond quickly passed back and forth. Counselling is different. I want to give you the time and space to express yourself in the way that fits you best. What matters to me is being with you, moment-to-moment, whatever that looks like.

I won’t leave you stranded, though. Counsellors are trained to notice when you’re quietly processing something, and when it might help to gently support you in putting things into words. This isn’t an exact science, and I’ll sometimes get the balance wrong. Knowing when to offer an observation, and when to simply sit with what’s happening alongside you, is part of the ongoing process of counselling. We’ll continue learning together.

If I ask questions, they come from a place of compassionate curiosity, from wanting to understand you more fully and to be alongside you in what you’re exploring. But it’s ok not to have the answers. We can stay with uncertainty together, patiently and sensitively, giving things time to become clearer.

I believe that respecting your autonomy allows you to connect more fully with what you’re feeling, and to share in the way that works best for you. Counselling often involves allowing you to lead, while offering reflections or alternative perspectives when they may be helpful. Throughout all of this, I recognise that you are the expert on your own life.

Counselling, then, isn’t something done to you, but rather something you take full part in. It’s really about two people working together - a shared process of making sense of what you’re going through. Sometimes you may lead; sometimes I may offer guidance when things feel unclear or difficult to put into words. The aim is not to rush you anywhere, but to help you move toward a deeper understanding of yourself and what you’re going through at a pace that feels manageable, meaningful, and truly your own.