Choosing a Therapist: Part Four
Your First Counselling Session
You might be finding yourself really struggling when you first reach out to your counsellor, and the thought of opening up can feel very daunting. This is perfectly natural, and, truth be told, counsellors aren’t immune to feeling a little nervous too. We hope that we can be of help, and that we can offer the kind of support that will be beneficial for you.
Perhaps you’re worried about where or how to start, what to say, and what your counsellor might think of you. Again, this is all very normal. To share your story with a stranger can be very difficult and counsellors understand this. You will be given time to settle in. You might have questions and good counsellors welcome them. When you’re ready, you might be invited to say something about what has brought you to counselling, but you won’t be rushed. Counsellors might talk a little bit about how they work and about confidentiality and their responsibilities to you, but they’ll also be aware that this is your time.
I’ve found that clients are often surprised by how much they have to say. Sometimes it comes out in a rush; sometimes the focus naturally settles on one part of their life. There’s no ‘right’ way to be a client. If you find it easy to talk, that’s great. If you struggle to find the words, that’s okay too. Counsellors are trained to work with silences, and to recognise when you might be stuck and need some help, or when the silence might be useful for you to really allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling.
Your counsellor will work with you at your pace and in your own way. Counselling is a collaborative endeavour. A meeting of two people for the benefit of you, the client. Your counsellor may ask questions to help them understand your point of view, or they might reflect to you something you’ve said. This can be surprisingly helpful. To hear your own words repeated back to you can be very powerful in developing not just their understanding of you, but also your own understanding of yourself.
It’s often said that counsellors do not offer advice, and this is largely true. As a person-centred counsellor, I believe that you are the expert on your own life. I can never know as much about you as you do yourself. But what I can do is support you in understanding yourself better. This might mean offering different perspectives and inviting you to test these against your own experiences. This too can be particularly useful.
Counsellors know a lot about the general ways in which people can struggle emotionally and psychologically, but you know about your specific circumstances, together we can explore your challenges and help you to process the things that feel difficult. Someone once said, ‘only you can change, but you don’t have to do it alone.’ And that is how I see the counselling relationship. It is your opportunity to heal, to grow and to change, in the safety of a relationship free from the kinds of judgements I discussed in part three. Together, we can work on what’s hard for you.
I hope this post has set your mind at ease a little. Firsts of any kind can be scary, but my hope is that you can come to see counselling sessions as your time to explore what’s troubling you, and draw comfort and strength from the experience.
If this sounds like something that could help with what you’re going through, please pop me a message.
