On Choosing a Therapist: Part Three
What Does “Person-Centred” Counselling Really Mean? How We Lose Ourselves – and How Therapy Helps Us Reconnect
In the previous post, we explored what different counselling approaches can feel like. Here, I’ll share more about my own way of working, and how it might help.
Although person-centred counsellors vary greatly in style, tone, and ways of working, we share some important beliefs. One of the most fundamental is the idea that human beings flourish in relationships where they don’t feel judged. In so many areas of life, we are surrounded by evaluations - from family, partners, friends, classmates, and a wider culture that tells us we must be successful, attractive, productive, or “good” in order to be worthy. Even those closest to us, however well-meaning, can be quick to show disapproval or suggest the “right” course of action without fully considering how we truly feel.
Over time, these external messages can become internal ones. We develop an inner voice that insists we must behave in certain ways to fit in, to be liked, or to be considered a good person. When we are exposed to this never-ending stream of judgements, it becomes easy to lose touch with what we truly feel, want, or need. This process often begins in childhood, when we learn that certain emotions or behaviours are welcomed and others are discouraged - “boys don’t cry,” “don’t make a fuss,” “be good.” And so, we adapt in order to gain approval, even if it means suppressing parts of ourselves.
As the gap grows between how we feel and what we believe we’re allowed to express, tension builds. That tension can show up in many ways: anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, disconnection, or through coping strategies such as overworking, substance use, or constant distraction. What once helped us cope can later leave us stuck in patterns that no longer serve us.
For the person-centred counsellor, accepting you as you are, and how you really feel, is a key part of undoing the effects of conditional approval. In this kind of relationship, you can explore what it means to be you, without pressure or judgement. Over time, many people rediscover themselves as a person in process: capable, flexible, and able to meet life’s challenges by reconnecting with their own inner sense of direction, rather than the noise of external expectations.
I can support your exploration and help you notice the patterns of thoughts, feelings, and behaviours that you may be struggling with. I can also help you foster the positive, hopeful, and meaningful parts of yourself. In this way, within a warm, confidential, and safe environment, we can work together to help you develop an ever-deepening understanding of who you are. Through this accepting, warm, and genuine relationship, you can work towards your counselling goals in a way, and at a pace, that feels right for you.
No two counselling relationships are the same, and how we work will reflect our shared efforts towards your goals. For some people, simply having time each week to explore their experience in a judgement-free relationship is remarkably powerful. For others, developing strategies for coping, growing, and healing can be hugely significant. My commitment is to respect your process and to work with you openly, genuinely, and without placing conditions on our work together. It is within this kind of relationship that many people come to know, understand, and grow into the person they truly are.
If this way of working sounds like a good fit for you, you’re very welcome to get in touch.
